Kiss
Puke
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
