Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
