This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
