Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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