i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize