omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
