I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
