he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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