I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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