how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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