I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's always time for handjobs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you had me at cake vodka
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
