I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
