Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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