this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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