my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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