i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize