i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
