So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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