lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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