Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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