I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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