Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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