my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
