is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
