Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize