I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
