Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
