there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
