i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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