The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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