I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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