i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
