Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
