but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
