***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
