closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
