eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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