I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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