Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize