i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
