you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
