And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
