He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
