somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
