It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
