I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
