haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
