I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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