You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
