I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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