I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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