I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
