Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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