I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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