i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
