chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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