i just wanna soil my oats bro
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
