You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
