it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
