he thought i was a dude.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize