I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
