what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize