i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
