I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize