Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
